I heard something that really struck me at Mars on Sunday: "You can only love God so much as you love those whom you love the least." I've been working that one around in my mind ever since...because I don't think that the statement only refers to the people we dislike, but the people we're indifferent to for whatever reason.
I can definitely understand what you're saying; I've certainly been there myself. It's basically like you'll be really close to God one day--or even a part of a day, for that matter--and then he just seems to disappear without any clear reason as to why.I'm reminded of something Kelsea--yes, Kelsea:)--said while I was visiting last year: I had been complaining that the sun disappears in winter, and he commented that the sun is always there; it's just covered by clouds. I think that's it. He's always there, but the subtle distractions in life put some pretty heavy looking clouds between us--clouds that often seem to go on forever. How do we get through them? I've been wondering that myself and exploring what it means to be fully engaged in your faith--and I feel like I've been saying this a lot lately, but I think a large part of it boils down to the difference between belief and love. I think that there are a lot of people out there who call themselves Christians who may not actually be....because "even the demons believe." If you really love him, the clouds aren't going to get in your eyes so much because you're given new eyes....
But so much for practical applications, huh? I'm still working that out myself. Actually, since I've been writing this, a new thought has popped into my head--"love those whom you love the least."--could we also refer this to ourselves? Can you or I--or anyone, for that matter--honestly say that they love themselves unconditionally? It's something to think about, I guess.
I would caution against calling space with God a "habit." I think that just as with any relationship, it requires time--and as this is considered one of the most important relationships we have, isn't it amazing how little time we provide him?
If it's still online, I would greatly suggest downloading the teaching from 7 September on the Mars site. I think it's called "Creating Space for God."....it totally blew me away when I heard it, because it was definitely a time when I was in desperate need.
So now I guess I would pose my own question--do you ever feel like you struggle with hypocrisy? I will readily acknowledge to anyone who inquires that I am indeed not perfect, but certain things...like my inability to say "no" and set limits in certain contexts (like we spoke of the other night)...I just totally abandon what my heart is screaming at me and start rationalizing, then become surprised when I feel wierd towards the person later on. I've just figured out that when I live outside of the way I really know that I want to live, I start to resent the other person involved...as if they're the ones responsible for my hypocrisy. Do you identify with this at all? And if so, how do you approach it? Where do you find the strength to resist it?
-K
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